I'm extremely lucky. Many times I've mentioned how I've lost alot of people in my life. In fact my family and I have light heartedly joked about the fact that we should consider buying stock in the local funeral home back in my home town. I think it's safe to say that I've been to a few funerals, be it friends or relatives. All of my grandparents are gone now, the last one during my husband's first deployment. I also lost my mom during that first deployment. She was close to her mom and I was close to her. Come to think of it, everyone loved both my mom and my grandma.
In working through my grief, I found a few online support groups for Motherless Daughters, Moms without Moms, etc. I found other women and moms like myself who were dealing with the tremendous loss of life without our mothers. It was wonderful to find other women who could understand the desire to smack the crap out of anyone who would brag about spending time with their moms and doing this and that and shopping for baby gear and doing lunch, and all of that other vomitous stuff that we didn't care to hear about.
My mom had died while I was pregnant with the first born grandchild who she never got to meet and I recall her being in the hospital at the time and telling every nurse or doctor who came in to check on her that she was going to be a grandma. She was buried shortly before I found out the sex of the baby but right of the bat she had insisted that I was having a girl, and sure enough she was right.
After I posted my story in some of the support groups, I realized that I wasn't being entirely forthcoming about my situation. The truth is, I really can't consider myself a mom without a mom. Of course I have a stepmom, a mother in law, and a wonderful stepmother in law (not to take away from the other two), but the blessings don't just end there.
I have another mom, my first mom, the one who gave birth to me and then made the heartwrenching decision to give me up for adoption. I've always known that I was adopted for as long as I can remember. My parents were 100% supportive in me searching for my birthmom when I turned 18 and even offered to help me. Both of them felt that if they were in my shoes, they would feel like a part of them would be missing and they would just want to know everything they could. It was a comfort to have their blessing and support.
In 2006, it was actually my birthmom who found me. We had both been looking for each other and had registered on adoption.com. I was so glad to get to know her but that's also the year we moved to TX so it's been hard to get the chance to spend a lot of time together. I'd be happy to move next door if I could and bug her for the next 30 years since I missed the first 30.
While the majority of people are happy for me, there have also been people who have been surprised and seemed like they felt that I was trying to replace my mom. It's hard for me to explain, but that's really not the case at all. It's just different in a way I can't really describe. It's a good different though and I count my blessings. I just wish that I lived closer because I feel like I'm missing out on so much and missing the chance to get to know that part of my family better. Hopefully that will change someday and there will be less miles in between us.