My husband was at a store the other day and a guy in the same aisle started staring wide eyed at the jagged unforgiving red and purple lines that encompass his entire arm. The scars that leave a mystery to the unassuming yet tell a story of life changing in an instant.
It was obvious that he was trying to figure out what he had to have done to end up with an arm that disfigured and fingers slightly curved and paralyzed in place. It wasn't long before his curiousity finally got the best of him.
"What happened to your arm?" he blurted out, as though it were any of his business.
This is usually the part where I would've explained what happened, which is usually followed by apologetic looks of sympathy and a mumbled thank you for your service.
My husband simply said, "I got hurt." He left it at that and walked away because he's not about to be into all of that hero stuff.
At one time, his body had over a thousand stitches. In the first few months after he was released from the hospital, people would stare when we went out somewhere. Eating was awkward for him because he couldn't hold any utensils and it took some practice learning to use his non-dominate hand. Sometimes I had to cut up his food for him because he couldn't do it. Even now he'll randomly drop things or spill something because there's no strength in his arm or his hand just won't work.
We take so much stuff for granted. Sometimes the smallest things are the biggest challenges for someone else. He works hard at just being normal and making the most out of the hand that he's been dealt, that sometimes I forget he's wounded. I don't really notice the scars and to our kids they are just a part of who he is. We spent so much time at the hospital and in lodging around other wounded warriors that the kids learned to just be accepting of everyone else. I never had to tell them not to point and stare or not to ask questions. If you ask my oldest what she remembers most about her daddy being in the hospital, she'll probably tell you that her little Lightning McQueen car fell down into the elevator shaft. Or maybe she'll recall blowing out four birthday candles while sitting on the hospital bed.
Sometimes I miss being at that hospital and being around other wounded warriors and their families. As stressful as it was at times, there's comfort in being surrounded people people who just simply get it and understand the same sudden detour that our lives took. We never had to worry about people staring or asking questions. Everyone had some sort of battle scars, telling their own stories without words, yet connecting them all from where they'd been.
Showing posts with label military family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label military family. Show all posts
Monday, May 16, 2011
Friday, April 8, 2011
Strength in Numbers
It’s been a long and stressful day and I’m glad they were able to avoid a shutdown at least for the time being. Maybe I’m looking a gift horse in the mouth, but I can’t help but feel jaded by everything. It was pretty clear to me that the government won’t hesitate to throw our military/veterans under the bus and when it’s time to make some cuts, they’re the first in line. That just bothers me and I'm having trouble getting past it. It just seems like it's always something that sends a message loud and clear to our troops that says "hey, we don't appreciate you or the sacrifices you make on behalf of our nation."
First it was considering making wounded veterans pay for healthcare. Then it was the lowest pay increase in almost 40 years followed by no increase in COLA and a drop in BAH unless you were already locked in. That wasn't enough so then it was necessary to force them to pay for Medicare so they wouldn't lose their Tricare coverage. Of course since Tricare is less expensive than civilian health insurance and people use it, let's go ahead and raise the premiums on that as well.
Now I agree the national debt and frivolous spending is way out of control. It's pretty much a train wreck and it saddens me the amount of debt that our country is passing along to future generations. Since two wars were draining the defense budget, it only made sense to add a third one to the mix, right? To make matters worse, our troops are already stretched thin and the VA is so backlogged that it's going to be a long time before things are taken care of the way they should be.
Yet when the ax comes down on the defense budget the troops and their families are the first ones to pay the price. It wasn't that long ago that Michelle Obama and Oprah were on TV going on about how many great things were in store for our military families and how they should never go without. Yet this week before a shutdown was even in place, the pay statements reflected half of the pay that was due or less even for some families. How that could even be an option is beyond me. How do you ask someone to go overseas and fight for our country and possibly give their lives for our country and then tell them you're not going to pay them? There's a price for freedom and when Congress and our government said they wouldn't pay our troops or pay the death benefit to the families of the fallen until an agreement was made, suddenly that price became too high. How do you justify sending our military service members repeatedly overseas as you see fit and expect them to be apart from their families for a year or more at a time and then let them sit in a war zone worrying if they are going to be able to feed their families or keep a roof over their heads?
Our government expects our military to have to miss out on babies being born and missing out on family events or watching their kids growing up on a webcam and they expect it because the sacrifice isn't personal to many of them. Our service members make these sacrifices because they feel it's their duty and honor for our country and yet our so called leaders turned them into pawns for their own political gains. This budget should've been passed in October, before the fall elections. Instead they dragged their feet and waited until the last minute, leaving military members and their families in fear of not seeing a paycheck and wondering how they would survive.
Military life is stressful enough without adding that into the mix and shame on Congress for distracting those serving overseas when they are simply trying to stay alive and make it back home to their families.
Despite the stress and fears that were brought upon our military today, it was nothing short of amazing to see our military families come together as a united front. We supported each other and opened our hearts and homes and did what we could to make it through as a family. There's a bond there that no one can break, a connection between neighbors and strangers all over the world, connected through this roller coaster lifestyle. No doubt there's strength in numbers and we weren't about to give up that pay without a fight and we fought back against the shutdown until our voices were heard.
As my husband finishes out his last few weeks before retirement, I'm proud to be a part of this military family, now and for life.
First it was considering making wounded veterans pay for healthcare. Then it was the lowest pay increase in almost 40 years followed by no increase in COLA and a drop in BAH unless you were already locked in. That wasn't enough so then it was necessary to force them to pay for Medicare so they wouldn't lose their Tricare coverage. Of course since Tricare is less expensive than civilian health insurance and people use it, let's go ahead and raise the premiums on that as well.
Now I agree the national debt and frivolous spending is way out of control. It's pretty much a train wreck and it saddens me the amount of debt that our country is passing along to future generations. Since two wars were draining the defense budget, it only made sense to add a third one to the mix, right? To make matters worse, our troops are already stretched thin and the VA is so backlogged that it's going to be a long time before things are taken care of the way they should be.
Yet when the ax comes down on the defense budget the troops and their families are the first ones to pay the price. It wasn't that long ago that Michelle Obama and Oprah were on TV going on about how many great things were in store for our military families and how they should never go without. Yet this week before a shutdown was even in place, the pay statements reflected half of the pay that was due or less even for some families. How that could even be an option is beyond me. How do you ask someone to go overseas and fight for our country and possibly give their lives for our country and then tell them you're not going to pay them? There's a price for freedom and when Congress and our government said they wouldn't pay our troops or pay the death benefit to the families of the fallen until an agreement was made, suddenly that price became too high. How do you justify sending our military service members repeatedly overseas as you see fit and expect them to be apart from their families for a year or more at a time and then let them sit in a war zone worrying if they are going to be able to feed their families or keep a roof over their heads?
Our government expects our military to have to miss out on babies being born and missing out on family events or watching their kids growing up on a webcam and they expect it because the sacrifice isn't personal to many of them. Our service members make these sacrifices because they feel it's their duty and honor for our country and yet our so called leaders turned them into pawns for their own political gains. This budget should've been passed in October, before the fall elections. Instead they dragged their feet and waited until the last minute, leaving military members and their families in fear of not seeing a paycheck and wondering how they would survive.
Military life is stressful enough without adding that into the mix and shame on Congress for distracting those serving overseas when they are simply trying to stay alive and make it back home to their families.
Despite the stress and fears that were brought upon our military today, it was nothing short of amazing to see our military families come together as a united front. We supported each other and opened our hearts and homes and did what we could to make it through as a family. There's a bond there that no one can break, a connection between neighbors and strangers all over the world, connected through this roller coaster lifestyle. No doubt there's strength in numbers and we weren't about to give up that pay without a fight and we fought back against the shutdown until our voices were heard.
As my husband finishes out his last few weeks before retirement, I'm proud to be a part of this military family, now and for life.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
20 Months
It's hard for me to believe that we are closing in on my husband's 2nd Alive Day. I never thought we would be here for 2 years. It feels like we're so close to the next chapter, the end is in sight but we're still not quite there. We've been talking about my moving with one or both of the kids over the summer, so we won't have to have our daughter switch schools in the middle of the year. I said something to my counselor about it and she thought I was talking about a marital separation. I'm not looking forward to living in separate states, but being a military family, I guess we're just accustomed to being apart. That aside, we just have to get on with our lives and I need to get back to working full time again and find a house, etc. It feels like our lives have been on hold for 20 months. 20 months and 20 surgeries, and surprise, there's another one coming up. Soon it will be 21 months and 21 surgeries.
Not to be outdone, I'll be having surgery myself later this month. I've decided that I hate been and having the metabolism of a teenager and would prefer to have no metabolism at all. All kidding aside, I'm having a thyroidectomy to treat my Graves' Disease. I could've had it treated with RAI, and not be cut open but without going into detail, I think surgery is the right option for me. It's certainly not an overnight decision, in fact, I've been thinking about it for about 4 years now.
Today I finally did something that I've also been talking about since my husband was released from the hospital. I went to the spa on post and had a deep tissue massage and a deluxe pedicure. Eight years ago, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. It used to bother me a lot more but now it's more infrequent, but when I have a flare up, it's still pretty uncomfortable. The best way I that I can describe it is that it's like a nauseating pain and achy feeling. I have these trigger points that are very painful when pressure is applied to them and that's exactly what I had done today. I've read that a deep tissue massage is a good choice for fibromyalgia patients but painful and it was indeed painful and I'm definitely tender but surviving just fine. What put it into perspective for me and made me realize that it was pretty trivial, was when my massage therapist was telling me about one of his regular clients who is a wounded warrior who lost both of his arms and both legs overseas. It really makes you feel grateful for what you have.
Not to be outdone, I'll be having surgery myself later this month. I've decided that I hate been and having the metabolism of a teenager and would prefer to have no metabolism at all. All kidding aside, I'm having a thyroidectomy to treat my Graves' Disease. I could've had it treated with RAI, and not be cut open but without going into detail, I think surgery is the right option for me. It's certainly not an overnight decision, in fact, I've been thinking about it for about 4 years now.
Today I finally did something that I've also been talking about since my husband was released from the hospital. I went to the spa on post and had a deep tissue massage and a deluxe pedicure. Eight years ago, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. It used to bother me a lot more but now it's more infrequent, but when I have a flare up, it's still pretty uncomfortable. The best way I that I can describe it is that it's like a nauseating pain and achy feeling. I have these trigger points that are very painful when pressure is applied to them and that's exactly what I had done today. I've read that a deep tissue massage is a good choice for fibromyalgia patients but painful and it was indeed painful and I'm definitely tender but surviving just fine. What put it into perspective for me and made me realize that it was pretty trivial, was when my massage therapist was telling me about one of his regular clients who is a wounded warrior who lost both of his arms and both legs overseas. It really makes you feel grateful for what you have.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
A month ago today...
I got a phone call that would change my life. When the initial shock wore off I was grateful that it was the phone that rang and not the doorbell.
A month ago today is the day that forever changed my husband's life and would start his long journey to recovery. The reason he's still in the hospital today.
Our lives can change in the blink of an eye. Some days I can't believe it happened. Seeing stitches, staples, burns, and bandages usually brings me right back to reality. Helping my husband do most normal daily tasks, like showering, putting on deodorant and opening bottles of Mt Dew has become second nature to me by now. At first he wanted to try and do it all himself because he knew he would eventually have to but I always stay a few steps ahead of him so he doesn't have to do that stuff yet while he's still in pain.
Being here at this base is a huge eye opener of the effects of war. When someone says their wounded warrior is in a certain section of the hospital I can tell which ones are really bad off and which ones are somewhat lucky like mine. After all the surgeries this past month, luck isn't a word you'd think I'd use, but I have my husband and he's safe. So then again maybe it's not just luck that has him here.
A month ago today is the day that forever changed my husband's life and would start his long journey to recovery. The reason he's still in the hospital today.
Our lives can change in the blink of an eye. Some days I can't believe it happened. Seeing stitches, staples, burns, and bandages usually brings me right back to reality. Helping my husband do most normal daily tasks, like showering, putting on deodorant and opening bottles of Mt Dew has become second nature to me by now. At first he wanted to try and do it all himself because he knew he would eventually have to but I always stay a few steps ahead of him so he doesn't have to do that stuff yet while he's still in pain.
Being here at this base is a huge eye opener of the effects of war. When someone says their wounded warrior is in a certain section of the hospital I can tell which ones are really bad off and which ones are somewhat lucky like mine. After all the surgeries this past month, luck isn't a word you'd think I'd use, but I have my husband and he's safe. So then again maybe it's not just luck that has him here.
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