Frustration

I feel so helpless because the Army is taking their sweet time getting us down to where Paul is at. He finally got to San Antonio only to find out that Germany lost all his paperwork so he had to do everything over again, meaning they moved his hand and arm and he's in excruciating pain. It wouldn't have been so bad but they gave him a much lower dose of the pain meds and won't give him anything to help him sleep. He's having horrible nightmares and is afraid to close his eyes because they're so bad. I don't think he's slept more than a few hours in over a week. He hasn't eaten either in almost 24 hours and unlike WR he's pretty much confined to his room.

To make matters worse he was told that it's likely that he'll never regain more than 10% of use in his left arm or hand because he's damaged some major nerves and sorry for the TMI but there are parts of his arm that are missing. He called me pretty much freaking out because the realization set in that in his mind, he's going to have a handicap and can't do a lot of things. I told him that he needs to prepare for the worst but hope for the best. Also that as difficult as this is, that he has to accept that this happened to him and realize that life is going to be different but it's going to be okay. I've done everything I've can to reassure him that I'll be here through it all and that we'll just deal with the adjustments as they come. He's still mad as hell at the Taliban for blowing up his arm though.

Honestly I've never felt so helpless before. I wish I could just get there because he keeps asking for me and says he needs me there to help him deal with all this. I'm not even there yet and I'm already worrying about what's going to happen when I have to leave to come back and get the kids. Right now it sounds like we'll be PCSing to Ft Sam because he's in pretty bad shape. So I'll be packing up the house myself and coordinating the move but thankfully it's only a 2 hour drive south. Nonetheless, a little scary!

Along with everything else though, Paul has burns from the explosion so he'll need skin graphs to help repair that. I just hope I can stay up there with him at night when I do get there so he will feel more at ease. Hopefully I'll be able to fly down there tomorrow or Wednesday at the very latest but if they don't get this flight stuff taken care of, I'm going to get in the car just so I can get there ASAP. It's so frustrating!!! I'm grateful to be surrounded by my family here in our hometown but I just can't help but think that if I had waited to come up I'd be there with him right now!